For $100 million, Tiffany Haddish and Will Arnett will host the Oscars together

I’m sitting with Tiffany Haddish and Will Arnett, and I am quickly way out of my depth.

“You have great skin,” Tiffany Haddish says as I walk in.

“Thank you,” I say, unwilling to admit that it’s because I just self-applied some makeup in the bathroom.

“You wash it?” Haddish asks.

“I do, regularly,” I say. “It’s a new thing I’m starting.”

“It’s good, it’s working for you,” Haddish says.

Since her star-making performance in Girls Trip in 2016, Tiffany Haddish had established herself as one of the funniest women in Hollywood today, with the kind of charisma that makes you feel you could have a friend like her, though you know in your heart you couldn’t keep up.

In the Lego Movie 2: The Second Part, Haddish plays Queen Waterva Wa-Nabi of the Systar System, who quickly decides she will marry Will Arnett’s Batman. Arnett had a star-making performance himself in the early 2000s as Gob Bluth on Arrested Development, and currently stars in one of the best adult animations ever made, Bojack Hoseman, on Netflix.

“When we made the first Lego Movie, we were looking for the voice of Batman and what we landed on is that Batman is being is most serious is when it’s the funniest. Being serious and talking about really mundane things,” Arnett says, before launching into an extended impression of Batman looking for lost socks in the laundry.

Haddish, playing an original creation, leaned into her own persona as much as possible.

“I created her in my soul. It’s just me being myself. They had something else on the page and I was like, that’s what we not gon’ do! We’re going to do this!” Haddish jokes.

“No, They had her on the page already and I just decided to take those words and live that slice of life through my voice and bring as much of Tiffany Haddish to the character as possible because I am a queen who can be anything she wants to be,” she says.
Perhaps not surprisingly, it’s hard to keep the two of them on track. Haddish interrupts me before I can ask my next question, asking one of her own.

“Are you a vampire?” Haddish says.

“No,” I say, holding up my Buffy The Vampire Slayer notebook ,embossed with ‘VAMPYR’ on the cover. “This is how I fight vampires. It’s a guide.”

“Just checking. I had to ask. I always wanted to date a vampire,” she says.”

“Maybe I’ll reanswer then.”

“Ok,” she says with a smile.

Before she can see me start to blush after I realized what just came out of my mouth, I pivot.

“So the two of you didn’t meet during the production of the film. How did you build romantic chemistry with someone you’d never met?”

“Just like being online dating, man. I astral projected into his dreams and let him know what I did so that I could receive the information from him,” Haddish says.

“I have to be honest, that part was alarming, because I wasn’t ready for it, and then all of a sudden I was like, wait a minute, what are you doing here?!” Arnett says.

“I’m like, I’M YOUR BOO!” Haddish says.

I” thought you were a ghost because you said I’m your boo! You know what I mean?” Arnett says, as both of them fall into laughter.

“That’s a great joke,” Arnett says.

“That is a great joke,” says Haddish.

“So did you guys look into each other at least?” I ask.

“I didn’t research him at all. I thought he was related to Rosanna Arquette,” says Haddish.

“Really?” I ask.

“That’s a true story,” Arnett says.

“Yeah, I thought that he was just shortening his name to separate himself from the family but it turns out they’re not related,” says Haddish.
“What about you, Will? Obviously you loved Girl’s Trip,” I ask.

“He didn’t see it. He doesn’t watch anything that has women dominating,” says Haddish.

Will looks momentarily flustered.

“That’s not true. I did not see it because my VCR broke. My VCR has been broken…” says Arnett.

“Since 95!” Interrupts Haddish.

“I’ve got my guy, we’re waiting for a part from Korea, and It’s coming in,” says Arnett.

“First off, you can’t even get Girls Trip on a VHS Tape!” says Haddish.

“Maybe that’s part of the problem. There it is. That was the other issue,” says Arnett.

“It’s alright,” says Haddish.

Unsurprisingly, since controversy caused Kevin Hart to pull out of hosting this year’s Oscars ceremony, many people have suggested Haddish as a potential replacement.

“So will, who should host the Oscars this year?” I ask, winking and pointing towards Haddish.

“We were talking about doing it together,” says Haddish.

“We were saying we’ll do it next year if they’ll have us. Will she be good? Let me be clear about this, she ready,” says Arnett.

“Let’s call the when we get out of this,” Arnett says to Haddish.

“I’ll say, look, we’re putting our bid in next year, well do it together, half a million dollars each,” says Haddish.

“A hundred million! What are you crazy? It goes to a billion people around the world watch it,” says Arnett.

“No, just half a million a piece,” Haddish.

As a final sendoff, I ask if they have anything they’d like to add for their fans in the Middle East.

“Start a Gofundme for us to host the Oscars,” Arnett says.

“On it,” I respond.

“No that’s not what I’d say to our fans out there!” Arnett says, after a beat.

“I’ll say, make sure you go see Lego Movie 2: The Second Part so we have something to talk about when I get to your town. Because we’re going to have fun. Were about to tear that,” Haddish says.